You Don’t Want to Miss This…

The still President George W Bush has written a farewell letter to us. It is published in The Onion and I will provide an except.

I’m Really Gonna Miss Systematically Destroying This Place

Oh, America. Eight years went by so fast, didn’t they? I feel like I hardly got to know you and methodically undermine everything you once stood for. But I guess all good things must come to an end, and even though you know I would love to stick around for another year or four-maybe privatize Social Security or get us into Iran-I’m afraid it’s time to go. But before I leave, let me say, from the bottom of my heart: I can’t think of another country I would’ve rather led to the brink of collapse.

Boy, oh boy, if these Oval Office walls could talk. Seems like it was only yesterday that I started my first term despite having actually lost to Al Gore by more than a half million votes. Hmm. We were all so young and peaceful then. Gosh, gas was still under $2 a gallon! On my watch it peaked at more than twice that. Never getting it up to $6 or ideally $7.50 will be one of my few regrets when I leave office.

It’s just gonna be so hard packing up my things and heading off into the sunset come January. I wish I could go on forever giving massive and disastrous tax cuts to the wealthy, taking the country from a surplus to a deficit-nearly $500 billion this year, likely to pass $1 trillion next year, fingers crossed-and just generally doing irreparable damage to the very underpinnings of our economy, but, well, I’m afraid the Constitution says I can’t. And not even I can overrule the Constitution. Though Lord knows I tried! Initiating blanket wiretaps without warrants, suspending habeas corpus for prisoners in Guantanamo, infiltrating an unknown number of nonviolent civilian antiwar groups without permission… such wonderful memories. I’m going to cherish them forever.

Read the rest HERE.

From the LA Times. This is NOT satire and has really happened. Bush sent out a two page memo to his Cabinet members and high ranking staff:

Titled “Speech Topper on the Bush Record,” the talking points state that Bush “kept the American people safe” after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, lifted the economy after 2001 through tax cuts, curbed AIDS in Africa and maintained “the honor and the dignity of his office.”

It mentions none of the episodes that detractors say have marred his presidency: the collapse of the housing market and major financial services companies, the flawed intelligence in the run-up to the Iraq war, the federal response to Hurricane Katrina or the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

In a section on the economy, speakers are invited to say that Bush cut taxes after 2001, setting the stage for years of job growth.

As for the current economic crisis, the memo says that Bush “responded with bold measures to prevent an economic meltdown.”

The document is otherwise silent on the recession, which claimed 533,000 jobs in November, the highest number in 34 years.

A copy of the memo was obtained by The Times’ Washington bureau. A spokesman for Bush said Monday that the White House routinely sends out suggestions to officials and allies on ways to talk about the administration’s record.

“What we have in mind with these documents is we feel the president’s many accomplishments haven’t been given the attention they deserve and in some cases have been purposely ignored,” said Carlton Carroll, a White House spokesman.

Oh really? We are well aware of Bush’s accomplishments and can’t wait until he leaves office and does his “accomplishing” somewhere else, like at his new home in a Dallas neighborhood.

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One thought on “You Don’t Want to Miss This…”

  1. I still think the moronic monkey will have to go swing from the trees at his Paraguay ranch before it’s all over with. Even if he were never charged with a crime, his legacy of a third-world America is going to earn him an awful lot of hatred within the country.

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