Tag Archives: Satire

Maloney’s Job Agenda

Dave Maloney is the Republican candidate for the PA 130th Legislative District and this is his job program:

  • He’s a 2nd Amendment advocate – this provides income by putting more guns in people’s hands so that they can rob banks.  Guns are needed to rob banks so people that are out of work and have exhausted their unemployment benefits still need money to buy food for their family and banks are where the money is.
  • Maloney is all about the 10th Amendment and State’s rights which means that the Federal Government cannot say anything when Maloney proposes a bill to allow Pennsylvania to become the dumping ground for New York City’s trash.  Just think, the trash will create new mountains and landowners can charge visitors money to climb these newly created mountains of trash and Pennsylvania can charge a surtax on NYC’s trash.  It’s a win/win all around.
  • Maloney wants to prevent freedom of choice to homosexuals which may become a bill to outlaw sodomy.  This means that the bedroom police will be checking on everyone and anyone caught in the act of sodomy will go to jail thus providing jobs to people that will build more prisons and for more prison guards.

And you thought that Republicans had no job creation ideas.

(Satire)

UPDATE: On a more serious note, Dave Maloney is all about property rights, his property rights that is.  He told his friends that they could hunt on someone else’s property WITHOUT permission from the property owner.  What a dupe hole.

The Fox and the Crazy Man

The “Fox” would be Fox Opinion Network and the “Crazy Man” would be Glenn Beck.

Unless someone can prove me wrong, there is a strong probability that Glenn Beck suffers from Schizoaffective Disorder, sub-group Bi-Polar.  Beck’s mother committed suicide and Beck made an attempt at suicide.  He cries and then he rants and raves and displays delusional thinking which includes paranoia and conspiracy theories.  Studies suggest that there is a genetic component to this disorder.  Glenn Beck may also be suffering from Thought Disorder.  There is a possibility that Michele Bachmann suffers from the same Though Disorder.

Unless someone can prove me wrong, Sarah Palin displays many of the behaviors of Thought Disorder as evidenced by Circumstantiality and Schizophasia (Word Salad).  Beck, Palin and Bachmann when speaking in public, often exhibit Speech Derailment.

I just hope that Beck’s head doesn’t explode on TV.  Since health care reform has passed and is now the law of the land, someone please, keep the razor blades away from Michele Bachmann.

(satire)

GWB Library

Author:  Unknown

Dear Fellow Constituent:
The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now accepting donations.
The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
10.The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make yougo back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth
visit.)
11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.
12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
14. The Airport Men’s Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President’s accomplishments.

The library will also include many famous quotes by George Walker Bush:
1. ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’
2. ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
3. ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’
4. ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’
5. ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.’
6. ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
7. ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’
8. ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
9. ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
10. ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world..’
11. ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’ (during an education photo-op)
12. ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’
13. ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’
14. ‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
15. ‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’… George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson
PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!