Category Archives: Satire

The Fox and the Crazy Man

The “Fox” would be Fox Opinion Network and the “Crazy Man” would be Glenn Beck.

Unless someone can prove me wrong, there is a strong probability that Glenn Beck suffers from Schizoaffective Disorder, sub-group Bi-Polar.  Beck’s mother committed suicide and Beck made an attempt at suicide.  He cries and then he rants and raves and displays delusional thinking which includes paranoia and conspiracy theories.  Studies suggest that there is a genetic component to this disorder.  Glenn Beck may also be suffering from Thought Disorder.  There is a possibility that Michele Bachmann suffers from the same Though Disorder.

Unless someone can prove me wrong, Sarah Palin displays many of the behaviors of Thought Disorder as evidenced by Circumstantiality and Schizophasia (Word Salad).  Beck, Palin and Bachmann when speaking in public, often exhibit Speech Derailment.

I just hope that Beck’s head doesn’t explode on TV.  Since health care reform has passed and is now the law of the land, someone please, keep the razor blades away from Michele Bachmann.

(satire)

GWB Library

Author:  Unknown

Dear Fellow Constituent:
The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now accepting donations.
The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
10.The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make yougo back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth
visit.)
11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.
12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
14. The Airport Men’s Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President’s accomplishments.

The library will also include many famous quotes by George Walker Bush:
1. ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’
2. ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
3. ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’
4. ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’
5. ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.’
6. ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
7. ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’
8. ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
9. ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
10. ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world..’
11. ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’ (during an education photo-op)
12. ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’
13. ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’
14. ‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
15. ‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’… George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson
PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

You Don’t Want to Miss This…

The still President George W Bush has written a farewell letter to us. It is published in The Onion and I will provide an except.

I’m Really Gonna Miss Systematically Destroying This Place

Oh, America. Eight years went by so fast, didn’t they? I feel like I hardly got to know you and methodically undermine everything you once stood for. But I guess all good things must come to an end, and even though you know I would love to stick around for another year or four-maybe privatize Social Security or get us into Iran-I’m afraid it’s time to go. But before I leave, let me say, from the bottom of my heart: I can’t think of another country I would’ve rather led to the brink of collapse.

Boy, oh boy, if these Oval Office walls could talk. Seems like it was only yesterday that I started my first term despite having actually lost to Al Gore by more than a half million votes. Hmm. We were all so young and peaceful then. Gosh, gas was still under $2 a gallon! On my watch it peaked at more than twice that. Never getting it up to $6 or ideally $7.50 will be one of my few regrets when I leave office.

It’s just gonna be so hard packing up my things and heading off into the sunset come January. I wish I could go on forever giving massive and disastrous tax cuts to the wealthy, taking the country from a surplus to a deficit-nearly $500 billion this year, likely to pass $1 trillion next year, fingers crossed-and just generally doing irreparable damage to the very underpinnings of our economy, but, well, I’m afraid the Constitution says I can’t. And not even I can overrule the Constitution. Though Lord knows I tried! Initiating blanket wiretaps without warrants, suspending habeas corpus for prisoners in Guantanamo, infiltrating an unknown number of nonviolent civilian antiwar groups without permission… such wonderful memories. I’m going to cherish them forever.

Read the rest HERE.

From the LA Times. This is NOT satire and has really happened. Bush sent out a two page memo to his Cabinet members and high ranking staff:

Titled “Speech Topper on the Bush Record,” the talking points state that Bush “kept the American people safe” after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, lifted the economy after 2001 through tax cuts, curbed AIDS in Africa and maintained “the honor and the dignity of his office.”

It mentions none of the episodes that detractors say have marred his presidency: the collapse of the housing market and major financial services companies, the flawed intelligence in the run-up to the Iraq war, the federal response to Hurricane Katrina or the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib.

In a section on the economy, speakers are invited to say that Bush cut taxes after 2001, setting the stage for years of job growth.

As for the current economic crisis, the memo says that Bush “responded with bold measures to prevent an economic meltdown.”

The document is otherwise silent on the recession, which claimed 533,000 jobs in November, the highest number in 34 years.

A copy of the memo was obtained by The Times’ Washington bureau. A spokesman for Bush said Monday that the White House routinely sends out suggestions to officials and allies on ways to talk about the administration’s record.

“What we have in mind with these documents is we feel the president’s many accomplishments haven’t been given the attention they deserve and in some cases have been purposely ignored,” said Carlton Carroll, a White House spokesman.

Oh really? We are well aware of Bush’s accomplishments and can’t wait until he leaves office and does his “accomplishing” somewhere else, like at his new home in a Dallas neighborhood.

Palin Around With Terrorists

Another Christmas parody by Breezy.

White Christmas

I’m dreaming of a Sach’s outfit
Just like the ones I used to own.
When the microphones glistened
And southerner listened
To hear “palinaroundwithterrorists”, ya know.

I’m dreaming of a day – you betcha
With every Christmas card I write.
They’ll see my foreign policy is right
‘Cause Russia from my house is within sight.

I’m dreaming of a White House run.
The GOP must know I’m right.
May my fundraisers last all night
And may all my constituents be white.

White Christmas by the Drifters